It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
