I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
