Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
