I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
