I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize