he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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