i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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