Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
