A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
