I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize