who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
