I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
