Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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