Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
