well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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