Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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