Kiss
Puke
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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