just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
