Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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