But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
