Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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