Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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