Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
