is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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