you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
