Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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