Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
