no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
