i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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