you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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