insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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