for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize