you didnt know i had herpes?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
