So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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