you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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