Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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