Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
