Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
