ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
