I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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