he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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