I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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