guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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