I just saw a hot homeless man
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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