drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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