I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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