I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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