k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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