My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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