If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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