I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
