Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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