I look better un-naked...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
