3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
