I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize