She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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