If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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