please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
