somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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