I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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