I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
