All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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