one two three fourrrrnication!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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