I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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