omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
