I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
