I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
