my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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