I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize