She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize