so explain again why im purple
no
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize